


Small Oversights

by Amuly



Category: Night at the Museum (2006 2009), night at the museum 2014
Genre: Dry Orgasm, Established Relationship, First Time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 04:43:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2951162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amuly/pseuds/Amuly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jedediah loves the lovin' he's getting from Octavius--just to be clear, here. But there's some bits and bobs they're missing out on, and Jedediah can't help but ask if maybe Octavius would be willing to explore this new frontier with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Small Oversights

**Author's Note:**

> Works off the logic of the 3rd movie where the figures are still made of wax even when they're real, ie, Lancelot's nose melted in the presence of his torch. Which kind of contradicts the rest of the movie where turning to wax meant they stiffened up, ie Teddy's hands... but whatever, magic. Go with it.

"Listen mi compadre, I've been pretty damn happy with you, and being with you, and with... You know, you-"  
  
Octavius words were slow: "Indeed, as am I..."  
  
"And I'm lovin' all the lovin' we've been mutually participating in, you gotta know that."  
  
Octavius spoke cautiously once again. "Yes, I know that..."  
  
"So then you gotta promise not to take offense to what I'm about to say next, not if you understand those two things, you know: that I love you, and that I love our lovin' and what not."  
  
Octavius sat up, extricating his had from Jedediah's. "You rogue, are you trying to release me from our lovers' bonds?"  
  
Jedediah stared blankly at Octavius for a long moment before the axles of his mind rolled slowly into place. When they did, his face lit up with the heat of betrayal. "What? No! Damn it, I was _trying_ to ask if you wanted to take this here relationship _thing_ to the next level!"  
  
Octavius was relieved, at the least, to find out Jedediah still felt as passionately about their relationship as he himself did. But he was no less confused. "What is this 'next level' you speak of? You would not wish to bring someone else in, would you? I'll have you know us Romans are by _far_ history's most prolific and knowledgeable lovers!"  
  
"Well that's just it there though, partner," Jedediah told Octavius with a smack to his chest. " _You_ know all this stuff we could be doing, probably more so than even _I_ know, but I got me an idea, I do. And what I figured and what I'm sure you know all about is: there's some things more we could be doing. If you catch my convulsions."  
  
Octavius shifted uncomfortably. "I do. Ah. 'Catch your convulsions.' We Romans are _very_ well-versed-"  
  
"Well then you know what we're missing."  
  
Octavius squirmed away from Jedediah, wrapping his arms around his bare knees. "I wouldn't call it _missing_..."

With both hands Jedediah pointed at his groin. "I'd call it 'missing', since it sure as heck ain't there."

"Well if you want to get _technical_ about it..."

"All I'm saying is I've done me a little bit of reading. Researching."

Octavius' eyebrows shot up. " _You've_. Been _researching_."

At that Jedediah's expression grew more guarded. He slunk away from Octavius, curling up in a fetal position to match Octavius' own. "I ain't as dumb as you take me for, you know. Just because I don't have a formal education like y'all, with your poetry and yards."

Octavius took a moment to parse that. "Meters."

"We're in America so it's called 'yards.'"

"No that's not-" It took only a glance at Jedediah's hang-dog expression for Octavius to change tact. "Never mind. What have you discovered in your research?"

"Well, I got a pretty good idea of how it's supposed to look down there, you know, anatomical. Been hanging out in the 'Human Body' exhibit and studying up."

Octavius squirmed, the borrowed memories of how all _that_ was supposed to work tickling at the corners of his mind. If he didn't have the memories from his own life, he had enough bawdy Roman poetry in his head that would make the process--and tools involved--plenty clear. "And you would like us to... undertake this? To adjust our anatomy for... accuracy?"

At this Jedediah gave up his earlier embarrassment and scooted closer, taking Octavius' hand in his. He looked straight into Octavius' eyes, usual good humor gone and replaced with serious concern. "Only if you're interested in undertaking it with me. Like I started out this whole Lincoln-Douglas debate: I'm lovin' the lovin' you give me now. Even without having any kinda... doo-hickey down there."

Jedediah's hands were rough where they rubbed against Octavius'. They were solid hands, made for working, for a hard day's labor. Octavius loved those hands and the way they could take him rough and strong, grabbing his jaw as they kissed, shoving him against a wall on his shoulders, gripping at his neck to hold him in place. But he also loved how soft they could be, how tender. How they would slide across his bare stomach, tickling at his ribs, the gentle caress against his most intimate places. Then Octavius thought about those hands moving across newly-created intimate skin, fresh places for them to explore, to grip, to stroke.

"Right then. Let us, er, how would you say it?"

Jedediah's face split into a grin. "Let's do this!"

Octavius clenched his fist and pumped it. "Right! Let us 'do this!'"

A little cloud of artificial dust puffed up from where Jedediah slammed Octavius down into the dirt, kissing his face into sweet oblivion. Octavius hoped it wouldn't draw too much attention, because he wasn't planning on letting Jedediah up anytime soon.

* * *

The next night, Octavius set about gathering the supplies they'd need. It might not be his idea, but now that he had agreed to Jedediah's campaign he intended to bend his attention to the task at hand as if it were his own.

From the Westerners he managed to borrow some fire--a book of matches they had stashed away to light their dynamite. He also bartered a pair of tough leather gloves from one of the cow-folk men, in exchange for a Roman helmet. It wasn't honestly a fair trade, but Octavius was willing to trade away most everything save for the Eagles to fulfill Jedediah's quest. From his own people he was able to gather the swords and knives necessary, the fine-work tools. With his supplies secured in a large rucksack and tucked into the back of their mechanical chariot, Octavius went to sleep soundly that morning.

The next night he met up again with Jedediah in his homeland. Jedediah looked positively bursting with excitement, hopping to and fro in those pointy boots of his, spurs jangling with his every hop.

"Was that you that gathered all that up?" Jedediah asked as soon as Octavius was within hearing.

Octavius removed his helmet and nodded as he tucked it under one arm. "Indeed. I was going to ask about your end of the preparations-"

"All set!" 

"No need to shout," Octavius grumbled, letting his nerves about the evening sour his mood.

Luckily Jedediah knew all of Octavius tells. Rather than grumble back at Octavius and send them both into a poor humor, he wrapped a congenial arm around Octavius' shoulder and shook him roughly. 

"Now come on, grumpy cat. What's with that face?"

"I am  _not_ the mal-faced feline," Octavius grumbled. Jedediah shook him some more, until his helmet slipped down over his eyes. With a sigh and maybe fighting off the smallest grin at his partner's unwavering enthusiasm, Octavius pushed his helmet back so he could look Jedediah in the eyes. "I have some trepidation. Perfectly reasonable ones."

"Well, sure you got some worries!" Jedediah smacked Octavius square in the middle of his chest. "But hey, what's the worst that can happen? We screw up and we ask Gigantor to fix us tomorrow morning. No harm, no foul."

"I suppose..."

Jedediah smacked Octavius one last time before releasing him, then skipping over to their mechanical chariot. "Well then come on! Let's get going, time's a wasting!"

With a sigh Octavius followed him. He couldn't find it in himself to muster the same enthusiasm Jedediah had for the project. Although he remembered his fully-equipped dalliances from his "life", and recalled exactly how enjoyable they had been, Jedediah was nervous to push the tenuous bonds of their existence to their limits. He feared taking the shape of their forms into their own hands, as it were, would be indeed brushing close to such a limit--if one existed, that is. 

The car bounced steadily as Jedediah expertly drove it, one hand on Octavius' thigh and the other on the wheel. He took corners too fast and accelerated  _down_  the stairs, but he was quite masterful at it. Octavius slipped his hand over Jedediah's and squeezed it tight. For all his campaigning and waging war, Octavius did not have the adventurous spirit that Jedediah so clearly reveled in. He was more afraid than his love to stand at the precipice, looking upon the great unknown. Jedediah... Jedediah would jump straight in, not a thought to the danger. And Octavius would follow him with barely a moment's thought, for he loved him so. And, perhaps: that was  _why_ he loved Jedediah so. 

The screech of brakes shook Octavius from his musings. "We're here!" Jedediah was out the car and hauling their supplies from the bed hardly a second after they stopped. Octavius unbuckled his seat belt and hurried to follow Jedediah. For all his misgivings, he wasn't about to be left behind. 

They had to heave and haul and work together to set up the rope and pulley systems necessary to move their equipment onto the Human Body display sign. It was this exhibit that Jedediah had studied so carefully before broaching the subject with Octavius. And it was on this sign that the male reproductive anatomy was carefully laid out, in full vivisected glory. No better place, then, to try and recreate their own versions.

Once they were on the sign, as well as all their supplies, Jedediah wasted no time stripping down to his full, nude glory and hopping onto the little gurney they had fashioned (out of doll beds and hot wheels). Octavius had knives, and a fire, and a terrible churning in his gut. Worse than the first time he ever went on campaign. Worse than when his mother scolded him. Worse than when Uncle Julius asked him about his studies. Octavius spun the knife over and over in his hand. Well then. Once more into the breach, as he might anachronistically say.

Octavius peered over at the display information signage, then down at the blank patch of skin between Jedediah's legs. He swallowed, adjusting the heated knife in his hand. "You don't believe we ought to ask someone else for help on this? Perhaps while we're asleep, during the daytime?"

Jedediah propped himself up on his elbows to peer up at Octavius. "Watchya mean, like Gigantor? No way: you've seen how wrong he gets proportions for us little folk. Remember that swimming pool he tried to give us?"

"More like a bathtub," Octavius agreed.

"And the apartment he gave us as a wedding present?"

"Absolutely palatial," Octavius recalled.

Jedediah smacked at his knee. " _Exactly_. He don't get the scale right in that big, honking head of his. And I don't know about you but I ain't letting him near the creation of my bits. Too small, well, we'd be the laughing-stock of us mini-men."

"And too large would be equally disastrous," Octavius mused. Sighing, he heated the knife over their fire pit once more. "Very well. But you must tell me if you are in pain, or discomforted in any way. And if anything I do is not to your liking. Best to be blunt now than spare my feelings and end up with some ill-formed member."

Jedediah snorted as he lay back on the makeshift gurney. "Don't think I ever had a problem tellin' you how it is, but I'll keep that in mind. Now get on with it! I want enough time for our new doo-dads to cool so we can take 'em out for a test drive tonight."

Octavius blew out a sharp breath. He wasn't sure if there would be time for all that, or if they'd be feeling particularly interested after, what was essentially to them, major surgery. His palms started to sweat as he brought the hit knife closer to his lover's body, and Octavius had to take a moment to wipe them on his tunic before continuing.

"Just get on getting on," Jedediah told him. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, and he seemed relatively relaxed to the untrained eye. But Octavius caught the way his fingers fiddled against his stomach, tapping out a beatless tune as he waited for the first touch of the knife. Octavius breathed hard again. _Unus, duo, tres_...

"Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!"

Octavius jumped about three inches, sending his knife hurtling off across the sign. He rushed to Jedediah's side, clutching at his shoulders in earnest apology. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! What-"

But then Jedediah was laughing, expression contorted in mirth and not pain. "Wooo-eee, your _face_ , Octy. Like a cat-"

Octavius didn't wait to hear exactly what sort of folksy analogy Jedediah had for his expression. He beat Jedediah across the chest and shoulders in petulant revenge. This only caused Jedediah to laugh harder, arms held up in a pitiful defense. After a long moment Octavius finally ceased his assault, panting faintly.

"You done?"

Punching Jedediah's chest one more time for good measure, Octavius straightened and nodded. _"Never_ give me a fright like that _again_ , you  _pultissimus asinus_."

Jedediah just grinned. "I love it when you get all Latin on me. Means I did something bad."

"Very bad," Octavius grumbled as he stalked away to fetch his knife. There it was, a good foot away from them on the floor of the sign. Octavius trudged over to pick it up. "It didn't hurt?"

"Nah. There was a mighty odd sensation, but it wasn't painful. Should be good to go."

Snatching up his knife once more, Octavius stomped back over to Jedediah and examined the damage for himself.

His groin was slightly melted, slightly mishapen from the smooth expanse it was before. Reaching for it with his leather glove, Octavius poked at it. Still faintly malleable, after all the distractions, but not by much. He nodded. "Alright then. I believe I can do this."

"Do away," Jedediah told him. He held a hand up. "And I swear, no more foolin' you."

Octavius wanted to protest something about not fooling him, but the fact of the matter was, he had been fooled. Sighing, Octavius heated his knife once more and bent to the task before him.

At the first touch of knife to skin, Jedediah's skin slowly softened, turning into something malleable. Octavius heated the blade twice more, pressing the flat of it around the area he wanted to work with, before setting it to the side. As he pushed his gloved-hands against the warm wax, he glanced up at Jedediah. He was staring up at the ceiling, chewing his lower lip.

"All well?" Octavius asked him.

Without looking down Jedediah gave him a thumbs up. "Super-duper. Weird as all hell, but don't hurt. Full steam ahead."

Carefully Octavius worked the flesh... wax... flesh... beneath his hands. He pulled a section forward, slowly working it until he had a tubular protrusion.

"Don't forget the balls! I liked the look of them extra dangles. Looked like fun."

"No, mustn't forget the testes," Octavius mumbled to himself. He pulled forth another smaller section of wax beneath the first, forming it into a rough sphere. After a moment of working and working, he stepped back, eyeing his handwork.

"Looks to be roughly the right size to me, do you think?" Octavius asked.

Taking his eyes off the ceiling at last, Jedediah glanced down between his legs with no little trepidation. After a moment of tilting his head back and forth, he shrugged. "Dunno. It gets bigger when it gets hard, don't it?"

"Indeed," Octavius confirmed.

"I'm not making yours bigger'n mine," Jedediah warned him. "So if this is the right size for me then it better be the right size for you."

Jedediah snorted as he returned to his tool kit, retrieving a smaller knife, the head of a thumbtack with one end wrapped with thread to make a grip. He heated the blade and returned to Jedediah's groin. Gods and goddess' bless all the sculpture courses he had been forced to take as a boy. At least he had  _some_ confidence that Jedediah's endowments wouldn't be horribly mangled.

"Don't forget that vein on the underside, you know, inside the turtle neck."

Octavius hummed as he worked, head bent to the task most studiously. "I'm doing the detail work on the shaft itself before I cover it with the foreskin," he told Jedediah. "I believe that is the wisest course if we want it to look proper when erect."

"That's why I keep you around, mi amigo," Jedediah told him. "That and also the whole lovin' thing and whatnot."

"Indeed. Feelings and flowery language and et cetera."

"Ooohhh don't go speaking all Latin or this new equipment might try and try itself out before you're done!" Jedediah warned with a laugh, squirming on the gurney. Octavius pressed a hand to his hip to keep him still as he continued to work. His thumbtack carved the necessary detail into the heated wax before him: vein underside of the shaft, the little whorls and wrinkles on the ballsac, the frenulum... and finally, when it looked about right, the foreskin pulled up over the shaft of the penis, wrapping it. Octavius worried it would ruin all the detail work he had done underneath, that it would become the only piece of skin for the penis. How was the magic supposed to tell that  _this_ piece of skin was separate from  _that_ piece of skin when it was all just solid waxed layered on top of itself? But how did any of the magic work, really. That's what made it magic: it defied common sense and the laws of physics, as far as Octavius understood it. With one final flourish Octavius poked a hole in the tip of the penis and stepped back.

"I believe my work is done."

Jedediah looked down eagerly, face splitting into a grin. "Hey, that don't look half bad!" He shifted his hips before Octavius laid a hurried hand on them.

"Wait for it to cool, first," Octavius warned him. He didn't want all of his hard work going to waste because Jedediah was over-eager.

Jedediah pouted down at his penis but nodded, after a moment. "Damn it, I want to see it wiggle." He cocked his head back and forth. "Looks good, though. Real realistic and all. And the balls look real nice! Feel good too, all heavy and dangling."

"Can you feel them? Octavius asked.

"Sure, more and more as it cools. It's like it's becoming all part of me the less squishy it gets. Like it's becoming all lifelike." Jedediah's eyebrows shot up. "Hey! And there it goes! It's cool now, I can tell. Now lemme wiggle it!"

Octavius stepped back as Jedediah hopped up from the gurney, hips twisting this way and that the second his feet hit the floor. He beamed down at his new embellishments. "Hey, look at it wiggle! Get along there, little doggy. Wag that tail." His hips sashayed back and forth as he twisted this way and that, flopping his flaccid penis from leg to the other. He humped the air a bit, getting his penis to flop up and down, tugging on his testicles on the up swing before slapping on them on the down. He hooted and smacked his knee. 

"Well tarnation, that seems to be a real job there! Hey come on, wanna test it out? See if it works like a real ding-a-ling?"

Octavius could admit to himself that he did find the flaccid penis unusually hypnotic, especially with the way Jedediah was bouncing it around. But there were more pressing matters to attend to before he reached out and took hold of that member for the first time. 

"Actually, I was under the impression you would do me next, and then we could try out our parts together?"

Naked, perfect skin pressed up against Octavius from helmet to sandals as Jedediah wet his lips. His eyes drifted down Octavius' face, mouth open just a millimeter. "Gotta say: I like the way you think. No point in having one if it ain't mutual." He drifted in, lips hovering scant millimeters from Octavius'. Octavius felt himself giving in, drifting forward, until Jedediah suddenly pulled back with a laugh.

"Alright then, let's giddy-up! Get that kiester onto the table and I'll have you fashioned with your very own monkey-beater in two shakes. Come on now, don't be shy."

Octavius shucked his armor with proper care before laying himself out on the table. He closed his eyes, hands clenching into fists at his side. No matter how much he knew Jedediah hadn't been hurt in the slightest during  _his_ procedure, Octavius couldn't help but worry. It seemed so unnatural: melting and molding your own flesh, without the slightest twinge of pain.

A warm, calloused hand slipped into his own. Octavius opened his eyes to see Jedediah hovering over him, smiling faintly. "You're gonna be okay, partner. You hear me?"

Some of Octavius' anxiety melted away as he looked up at that charmingly flawed face. "Okay. I trust you."

Jedediah gave his hand one more squeeze before releasing it to attend to his work. Octavius closed his eyes again--just because he trusted Jedediah that it would be alright didn't mean he had ti  _watch_.

It was over before he knew it. Jedediah patted him on his stomach gently as sensation slowly crept into his new extremity. "'s'all done. Just give it a minute to cool."

Octavius kept his eyes squeezed shut as he mentally felt out the new part. "How's it look."

"Purty damn pretty, if you ask me. Or at least, as pretty as a turtle with a sweater is gonna look. It's not a body part that really lends itself to looking all that handsome, you know?"

One deep breath, then two, then Octavius finally forced himself to open his eyes and look down. He cocked his head at the new addition. Jedediah had done a surprisingly fine job, for someone who, to the best of Octavius' knowledge, didn't have any formal artistic training. It looked just about the same as Jedediah's: same length, same thickness, same balls and foreskin. It was cooling rapidly, sensation almost entirely returned to it. Tentatively Octavius reached down and touched it. He could feel it! He could feel it through the new organ, that is: feel his own touch. His stomach jumped in excitement.

"Feel good?" Jedediah asked, eyes eager.

Octavius wrapped his fist around his almost entirely cool skin and rubbed. "Doesn't feel like much different from anywhere else. Not yet, at least."

Jedediah frowned. "Well, maybe if we got all hot and bothered first. That's how I remember it."

"As do I," Octavius agreed. And he  _was_ growing more excited, skin prickling with the first kisses of extra sensation as his heart rate sped up and breath quickened. He reached forward and dragged Jedediah by the arm down onto the table with him, who went with a happy little  _"yee-haw_!"

Octavius wrapped his arms around Jedediah and kissed him soundly. Jedediah kissed back with his usual enthusiasm, like there was a fight to be won. Which, to be fair, Octavius always replied to exactly in kind. Their teeth scraped against each other at just the same time as their hips made first contact. Octavius gasped as Jedediah pushed back to look in between them.

"Hey there, would you look at that?! Little guy's coming out of his shell!"

Indeed, Octavius could see both their arousals were growing, pushing the foreskin back as they swelled. Tentatively Octavius reached down and stroked at Jedediah's. He gasped, bucking up into Octavius' grip like an unbroken horse. Octavius' mouth went dry as he stroked again, watching every little reaction that Jedediah's body made, wondering at this first time that wasn't quite a first time, that was backed with memories of two men who weren't themselves. 

"Hang on, I think I remember-" Jedediah spit into his hand before reaching down between Octavius' legs and giving a quick few strokes. Crackles of sensation went through Octavius, like a fire stoked beneath a bathhouse: ripples of heat spreading from the _caldarium_ in his groin to the _frigadarium_ at the top of his head, which was turning more and more into a _tepidarium_ with every stroke of Jedediah's hand. 

"That feel good?" Jedediah asked, panting slightly. He hovered over Octavius, one arm braced by Octavius' ear as the other worked between his legs.

"Exquisite," Octavius promised him, arching up into Jedediah's touch. His left hand gripped at Jedediah's shoulder, fingers slipping over the sweaty, warm skin. "Allow me..."

Bringing his right hand to his mouth, Octavius wet it as best he could without out-right spitting on it. There was nothing wrong with retaining  _some_ decorum, after all. Then he reached down between them and, with trembling fingers, took Jedediah's hard member between his own hand. 

Jedediah let out a long, low grunt, hips thrusting awkwardly into Octavius' fist as they tried to find a rhythm between them. "That's... boy... hnnn...."

"Here, here, lie with me-"

"Right there-"

"Like that-"

They shifted and grunted and slipped against each other, until Jedediah had them both in his one, big hand, stroking their hard lengths against each other. Octavius' head fell back at the sensation, a long groan slipping uncensored from his lips. Jedediah bent his head down to nip at Octavius' jaw where he had left it exposed, head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut against the sensation. 

"Love you so gosh-darn much," Jedediah whispered against his throat.

Octavius' stomach jumped and his body trembled as he clung to Jedediah, whispering back: "Te amo, Jedediah." Octavius felt his orgasm wash over him like cold water, a shivering sensation that left him breathless and happy.

"Just a little more-  _ah, darn, ah-_ " Jedediah jerked against Octavius, then went still.

After a long moment of feel each other's heartbeats and breathing each other's air, Octavius pushed Jedediah up so he could peer between them.

"We didn't spill any seed," he observed.

Jedediah mumbled something incoherent against his shoulder, drool already forming a little puddle there.

Octavius let Jedediah to his nap, settling their bodies back against each other. It made sense--they didn't defecate or urinate. But then again, they didn't have the tubing for that before. Octavius hadn't been sure either way if they would have any seed to spill. Apparently their new parts were enough for imitating the sensation of orgasms, but not enough to quite fulfill the entire act. 

"You're thinking too damned hard," Jedediah mumbled against Octavius' shoulder.

Octavius rubbed a loving hand up and down Jedediah's back. "I'm thinking how horrified Larry will be if he finds us like this tomorrow morning. New parts and all."

"So you're saying I should roll off you before dawn so we really give him a show? I like the way you think." With that, Jedediah fell fully into sleep. Octavius kept his watch.


End file.
